Almost Christmas Time

As his wife asked him what he was looking at through the window, he replied: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...an a$$hole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” – Clark W. Griswold

In a couple of days, 3 of my uncles will be coming to town as well as my Grammy and Grandpa Ray. Daddy has been checking the toilets to make sure they are empty.

The family is going to come over to our house for Christmas Eve and then we will all go over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for Christmas. I can’t wait to see everyone.

I can’t wait for Santa Claus to come. I was so let down by waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive on Halloween. Daddy and I waited all night in that pumpkin patch and he never came. I hope that I get a lot of presents from Santa – actually, I have a feeling that I am playing with some of my presents right now and that Mommy is going to wrap them up and let me open them on Christmas morning. You would think that Mommy and Daddy would at least try a little to hide some of my presents. There is a wagon in a box in the garage that has been there for several weeks. When Mommy puts me in the car, we walk by it every time. It’s obvious that it is for me. Mommy doesn’t ride in a wagon and Daddy would crumple it if he sat on it. I’ll try to act surprised anyway.

How to Lose $100 Million

This thought crossed my mind as I was watching television today. Contrary to what you might think, you need to start off by being exceptionally talented. I know what you are thinking – an exceptionally talented person would not lose $100M. Okay, fair enough but hear me out. You see, if you are not exceptionally talented you probably do not have the wherewithal to make $100 million, let alone lose it.

Once you have developed your talent to where you will make lots of money, you need to branch off from your core abilities and take on new hobbies. You see, it is rare that the abilities that make you so rich are going to be the same things that bring you to the poor house. I’m not saying that it cannot happen but I think you would agree that it would be rare. Oh yeah, it is not enough for you to take on other hobbies. It is important that you not become very good at these hobbies. It is even more helpful if these hobbies are something that perhaps could get you into trouble for. Let’s pick something out of thin air – say for instance, interstate dog fighting.

A lot of people do things that could lead to their demise but never get caught. That is why it is important that your illicit activity be well-known. Tell your friends, tell your family – make sure everyone in the world knows that you are engaged in this activity. When you are asked what your plans are for the weekend, don’t be shy – just tell them that you are going to your mountain house to engage in dog fighting.

When the authorities finally come to your house, deny everything but make sure that you leave plenty of evidence for them to ultimately convict you. If you are lucky enough, perhaps your friends will agree to testify against you. That should be enough to lead to your conviction (or guilty plea to be precise) so that you will lose your job, your sponsors, your life….and most importantly, $100 million.

By the way, if my puppy doesn’t stay away from my toys, I’m taking him to the Bad Newz Kennels – anyone know their phone number?

A Post for Our Northern Friends

Today the weather was brutal. On our way to lunch it looked like the golf course was filled with people playing. We passed a couple of joggers in shorts and a tee shirt - both were sweating quite a bit. Then at lunch we sat at a nice table outside. Accounting for the wind chill, I think the high temperature was 72 degrees. If this nasty weather keeps up, we are going to need to stock up on salt and sand so we don't hurt ourselves walking outside.

Superstar!!!!!

These are some of the pictures from our photo shoot. Aren't I adorable?

Weekend Fun

I don’t know if Costco is having a good holiday season but I believe our neighborhood contains every outdoor decoration and light arrangement they sell. Our neighborhood looks very pretty at night with all of the lights everyone has up.

On Sunday we went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. We also went to get Daddy some pants. Take a look below at the purple overalls I am wearing in a few of the pictures. That is the outfit I wore to the mall. Pay particular attention to the purple bow in my hair. Now, with that in mind, do you think it was appropriate for the tailor to ask if I was a boy or a girl?….twice no less!!! With that sort of keen vision, what do you think Daddy’s pants are going to look like when that chucklehead is done “tailoring” them. Maybe he will mend them into a pair of capris so people can ask Daddy if he is a man or a woman?

Later that evening Aunt Lori and her boyfriend Michael came over to visit. It was nice to see them – check out the pictures below. However, Daddy and I were on our best behavior because as you can see in one of the pictures, I am wearing Michael’s Red Sox hat. Little does Michael know that we are Yankees fans. Next time he is going to get a lump of poop in that hat….probably from me.

Happy Birthday to Mommy!!!! We love you very much.