Almost Christmas Time

As his wife asked him what he was looking at through the window, he replied: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn...the clean, cool chill of the holiday air...an a$$hole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.” – Clark W. Griswold

In a couple of days, 3 of my uncles will be coming to town as well as my Grammy and Grandpa Ray. Daddy has been checking the toilets to make sure they are empty.

The family is going to come over to our house for Christmas Eve and then we will all go over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for Christmas. I can’t wait to see everyone.

I can’t wait for Santa Claus to come. I was so let down by waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive on Halloween. Daddy and I waited all night in that pumpkin patch and he never came. I hope that I get a lot of presents from Santa – actually, I have a feeling that I am playing with some of my presents right now and that Mommy is going to wrap them up and let me open them on Christmas morning. You would think that Mommy and Daddy would at least try a little to hide some of my presents. There is a wagon in a box in the garage that has been there for several weeks. When Mommy puts me in the car, we walk by it every time. It’s obvious that it is for me. Mommy doesn’t ride in a wagon and Daddy would crumple it if he sat on it. I’ll try to act surprised anyway.

How to Lose $100 Million

This thought crossed my mind as I was watching television today. Contrary to what you might think, you need to start off by being exceptionally talented. I know what you are thinking – an exceptionally talented person would not lose $100M. Okay, fair enough but hear me out. You see, if you are not exceptionally talented you probably do not have the wherewithal to make $100 million, let alone lose it.

Once you have developed your talent to where you will make lots of money, you need to branch off from your core abilities and take on new hobbies. You see, it is rare that the abilities that make you so rich are going to be the same things that bring you to the poor house. I’m not saying that it cannot happen but I think you would agree that it would be rare. Oh yeah, it is not enough for you to take on other hobbies. It is important that you not become very good at these hobbies. It is even more helpful if these hobbies are something that perhaps could get you into trouble for. Let’s pick something out of thin air – say for instance, interstate dog fighting.

A lot of people do things that could lead to their demise but never get caught. That is why it is important that your illicit activity be well-known. Tell your friends, tell your family – make sure everyone in the world knows that you are engaged in this activity. When you are asked what your plans are for the weekend, don’t be shy – just tell them that you are going to your mountain house to engage in dog fighting.

When the authorities finally come to your house, deny everything but make sure that you leave plenty of evidence for them to ultimately convict you. If you are lucky enough, perhaps your friends will agree to testify against you. That should be enough to lead to your conviction (or guilty plea to be precise) so that you will lose your job, your sponsors, your life….and most importantly, $100 million.

By the way, if my puppy doesn’t stay away from my toys, I’m taking him to the Bad Newz Kennels – anyone know their phone number?

A Post for Our Northern Friends

Today the weather was brutal. On our way to lunch it looked like the golf course was filled with people playing. We passed a couple of joggers in shorts and a tee shirt - both were sweating quite a bit. Then at lunch we sat at a nice table outside. Accounting for the wind chill, I think the high temperature was 72 degrees. If this nasty weather keeps up, we are going to need to stock up on salt and sand so we don't hurt ourselves walking outside.

Superstar!!!!!

These are some of the pictures from our photo shoot. Aren't I adorable?

Weekend Fun

I don’t know if Costco is having a good holiday season but I believe our neighborhood contains every outdoor decoration and light arrangement they sell. Our neighborhood looks very pretty at night with all of the lights everyone has up.

On Sunday we went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. We also went to get Daddy some pants. Take a look below at the purple overalls I am wearing in a few of the pictures. That is the outfit I wore to the mall. Pay particular attention to the purple bow in my hair. Now, with that in mind, do you think it was appropriate for the tailor to ask if I was a boy or a girl?….twice no less!!! With that sort of keen vision, what do you think Daddy’s pants are going to look like when that chucklehead is done “tailoring” them. Maybe he will mend them into a pair of capris so people can ask Daddy if he is a man or a woman?

Later that evening Aunt Lori and her boyfriend Michael came over to visit. It was nice to see them – check out the pictures below. However, Daddy and I were on our best behavior because as you can see in one of the pictures, I am wearing Michael’s Red Sox hat. Little does Michael know that we are Yankees fans. Next time he is going to get a lump of poop in that hat….probably from me.

Happy Birthday to Mommy!!!! We love you very much.

Walk like an Egyptian

Mommy has been teaching me how to walk this week. I don’t want to exaggerate my progress since I cannot stand without holding on to something but if Mommy holds my hands I can walk my chubby thighs across the room. My steps are getting better – at first it looked like I was goose-stepping across the room like a North Korean soldier. Now I look a little more coordinated.

Mommy has begun to make it harder for me to get into things. Mommy put a gate at my bedroom door that prevents me from tumbling down the stairs. Also, about a week ago the cabinets in the kitchen became impossible for me to get into. It’s like it happened overnight – one day I could open the cabinets and help organize things and then the next day I couldn’t open them. There must be a trick though because I notice that Mommy can open them. And then there are those little holes in the wall that our lights plug into. Mommy has put little plastics discs on these making it impossible for me to put my little fingers in.

Tomorrow we have a busy day. We are going to the gym in the morning and then Daddy and I are going to hang out and watch a hockey game in the afternoon. Grandma and Grandpa are coming over tomorrow evening to baby-sit while Mommy and Daddy go out to dinner.

Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's

Below are some pictures at Grandma and Grandpa's house last week. We basically had Thanksgiving dinner all over again. I ate too much but I think I covered all of the major food groups - meats, fruits, vegetables and even those lesser known food groups such as the whipped group, cake group, and hard candy group. That chocolate lollipop you see in the picture below never had a chance.

Getting Ready for Christmas

Over the weekend we decorated our Christmas tree and Daddy finished putting the lights on our trees in the front of the house. Many of our neighbors have also been decorating early so our street looks pretty festive already. With all of our decorations both inside and outside, we are officially ready for Christmas and the arrival of Santa Claus.

After doing a little more research I understand that Santa comes every year and gives presents to every boy and girl who have been good during the preceding year. All those who have not been good get coal (not the kind that has diamonds either). Because Santa has a bit of weight problem, all of his toys are made by little elves. These elves are not well paid and apparently have not figured out how to unionize. Santa is transported by a team of reindeer who seem to be treated better than the elves. They at least have names and a song. Can you name an elf?

Despite being less than fit, Santa rarely comes down with a cold or flu that prevents him from bringing his presents to all children around the world. Because he is on a tight schedule bringing presents around the world, it is important to leave him a few cookies and a glass of milk to give him the energy to get to the next house. However, there have been some occasions where Santa has been too sick to deliver presents. On those occasions he calls his friend, Hanukkah Harry, who delivers presents courtesy of his three donkeys – Moische, Herschel, and Schlomo.

I can’t wait for Santa to come to my house.

Turkey Day

For Thanksgiving we went to Uncle Dan and Aunt Christine’s house. I had meatballs, crackers, rolls, mashed potatoes, turkey, ham, stuffing, mac and cheese, a cookie, and my bottle. I missed out on a few items that I wanted to try but I was kind of full. Actually, I was so full that after dinner I vomited on Mommy in a sort of cartoon-like manner. It wasn’t all eating though. We also watched some football and I played with my cousin Andrew. I also spent some time chasing one of the cats – Valentino. It was a long day and I was very tired when it was all said and done.

Today was Black Friday and Mommy went to do some Christmas shopping which means that there will also be a Black Tuesday when the credit card bill comes. I didn’t go with Mommy but instead stayed home with Daddy and played with my toys and watched tv. Daddy and I were watching CNBC and learned that some stores opened at 4am for would-be shoppers. If you were one of these people please leave a comment so that I can remember to think less of you.

When Mommy got home Daddy put up some of the outdoor lights. We need to get the tree up this weekend and make our house as festive as possible for the holiday season.
While Mommy was gone Daddy was telling me tales about an obsess resident of the North Pole who dresses up in a red suit and on December 24th will break into our home and leave gifts so long as we leave him some cookies and milk. I told Daddy that I would leave him a cake tomorrow if he would come sooner but apparently it doesn’t work that way. I need to do some research and learn more about this man.

The day before Thanksgiving with the
girls to cook some of our dinner for tomorrow.


















Come here kitty, kitty! I chased Val on turkey day!

A Time to be Thankful

I am thankful for all of the food we are going to eat on Thanksgiving.

I am thankful that the Pilgrims had the first Thanksgiving with the Native American Indians.

I am thankful that we purchased Manhattan from the Native American Indians for $24 because that seems like a pretty good deal.

I am thankful that I have a Daddy that loves me very much.

I am thankful that we watch hockey, football, baseball, poker, and CNBC together in high definition as was meant for fathers and daughters.

I am thankful that they kicked Rosie off The View. Now I wish they would kick the rest off.

I am thankful that I have a Mommy that loves me very much and takes care of me each day.

I am thankful that I have a group of friends that I play with each week.

I am thankful that The Bachelor ended because it didn’t matter who won, they are all losers.

I am thankful that I will see some of my relatives on Thanksgiving.

I will be thankful if my relatives do not discuss politics on Thanksgiving so that nobody has a heart attack.

I am thankful that my puppy loves me and lets me pull on his ears and tail.

I am thankful that my Aunt Lori loves me and promises to teach me how to “properly dance” in da clubs someday.

I will be thankful when Daddy allows me to go out with Aunt Lori when I turn 35.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

Now I am moving!

Well, it’s official – I can crawl forward. I had been getting around with a combination of half-crawling, and then rolling but now I can be much more efficient in getting to where I need to go.

Yesterday, Mommy and Daddy did a little yard work – raking up all of the leaves from our trees. As you can see in the pictures they made a huge pile of leaves and put me right in the middle. I really liked playing in the leaves. However, they do not taste as good as you would think – trust me.

On Saturday I went to dinner with Mommy, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa. I had a dinner roll, ravioli, pears, french fries, pulled pork, macaroni and cheese and spinach. Then I topped everything off with my bottle. Everything was delicious. That may sound like a lot but I need to train hard for my first Thanksgiving. I intend to put on an eating display this week.

Some of the people in our neighborhood are beginning to put up their Christmas decorations. Daddy spent part of the day today digging through the basement to find his outside lights. This will be my first Christmas and I am really looking forward to it seeing all of the decorations. Daddy has promised that all of the lights and decorations will be up by this time next week. With that said, Mommy has put some limitations on what Daddy can and cannot put in front of the house so that embarrassment and shame is not brought upon either Mommy or I.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, in the next couple of days I will compile a list of the things I am thankful for and share them with you. Stay tuned.

Playing with My Friends

I didn’t see Daddy the last couple of days. He tried to get home to see me before bedtime but the highways were jammed with heroes on a last chance power drive (a cheap Bruce Springsteen reference). In the meantime my friends came over to play at my house while our Mommies made bread. You can see a few of the pictures of us playing together.

Last night I watched part of a hockey game with Daddy and fell asleep before the game ended.